Setting Boundaries is Not a Sin

I’ve always been the problem-solver. The person who sees an issue and can’t help but jump in to fix it, whether it’s my own problem or someone else’s. I guess it became a part of who I am, or at least, who I thought I had to be. It’s funny, though — life has a way of forcing you to confront things when you least expect it. Over the past year, I’ve had to stop working because I got really sick, and for the first time, I couldn’t solve the problem. I couldn’t just power through, fix things for others, or even show up in the way I was used to.

Twelve months of sitting still, reflecting, and trying to piece together what comes next. That’s how long it’s been, and in that time, I’ve learned more about boundaries than I ever wanted to. The hardest part? Realising that for all the energy I had poured into being there for everyone else, very few people were there for me.

This past year has been an incredibly difficult journey of learning to protect and preserve what little energy I have left. And part of that has meant re-evaluating how I show up for others, and how I show up for myself. I’ve realised that boundaries aren’t just about keeping things out — they’re about keeping the parts of you that matter safe. For someone who’s spent their life being needed (and let's be honest, needing to feel needed), that’s been a tough adjustment. But I’m done with giving away pieces of myself for the sake of being useful.

I’ve also recently made the decision to, mostly, cut out social media. It’s a new boundary, one that feels important as I try to protect the peace I’ve found over the past year. To be clear, I’m not cutting it out because I think social media is inherently bad. It's simply because I want to preserve and enhance the stillness that I’ve finally experienced. After spending so long feeling pulled in every direction, I need some quiet to figure out what comes next without the constant noise of everyone else’s lives. Maybe that’s the first real boundary I’ve set in a long time — choosing to step away from the chaos to create some space for myself.

Setting boundaries in the real world, though, has been a bigger challenge. There was a time when I thought being there for everyone made me a good person, even indispensable. But when you’re flat on your back, physically unable to keep up the act of showing up, you start to realise that being available to everyone is not sustainable. And it never will be. I’ve had to take a hard look at where I’ve been putting my energy and ask myself why. It’s not about cutting people out or keeping score. It’s about becoming more intentional with where I spend my time and who I let into my life.

If the past 12 months have taught me anything, it’s that boundaries aren’t about being selfish. They’re about survival. When you’ve been the problem-solver for so long, it’s easy to forget that you need your own space to rest, to heal, to breathe. And that’s what boundaries do — they give you that space. They allow you to say “no” when you need to, without feeling guilty or afraid of disappointing someone.

I've also tried very hard to understand the root of this issue. It turns out it's a generational thing. For us Millennials, boundaries are a problematic concept. We grew up in a time where success was about how much you could hustle, how much you could give, how available you could be. But that’s not sustainable, and it’s not a badge of honour to burn out trying to be everything for everyone. It has taken me a long time to figure that out, and even now, it’s something I have to remind myself of every day.

But I've finally got there. After 31 years on this planet, I now know that I don’t have to solve every problem. Sometimes the best thing I can do is take care of myself first. And if that means pulling back, finding peace, and setting boundaries? Well, that’s not a failure. It’s growth. And trust me, it's worth that space.