Choosing Your Tribe: Learning to Love People from a Distance

I turned 30 in January this year. I've never been obsessed with getting older, in fact, I've always been excited about it. In my mind, the presumption was that turning 30 would mean a sense of stability. It would mean I would better understand the world and, more importantly, myself. The truth is, however, that I still feel like a kid wearing grown-up clothes. Anyway, this is about the one thing I did realise (by some or other divine intervention): You get to love people from a distance. The realisation that you get to make this choice only registered in my understanding when I became busier with my work. I don't believe I ever really thought about what I gave my time to before I didn't have enough of it to give to anything. That's when I made the conscious decision that if I had to deal with high stress levels every day, my free time would be free(ing). Of course, limiting your availability to meet with people on a social level meant that choices had to be made about who those people would be. Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that I am so popular that people would be honoured to spend time with me or that people are queueing to do so. As an introvert, even managing three or four friendships can be very tiring - so when I thought about my day-to-day life and how that can also be tiring, I realised I don't want my social interactions to be tiring as well. There are people in my life (and I am certain in yours too) that are good, reliable, loving people - but they suck the joy out of every room they enter. Not intentionally and probably without knowing, they are the dementors of your soul. I'm not saying we should cut them out entirely (these are still people we love and cherish greatly), but you are allowed to limit the time you spend with them and further, only do so when you feel up to it. You get to make that choice and you don't owe anyone an explanation.